I want death to find me planting my cabbages, neither worrying about it nor the unfinished gardening. - Michel de Montaigne

Golf is a good walk ruined. - Mark Twain

If you can remember where you came from, you can remember what your wanted before life happened. - Remark

The only people who face reality are those too dumb to duck when they see it coming. - Line from the 1956 movie Bhowani Junction

The only thing that is constant is change. - Heraclitus

Inclusion, and not exclusion, is the key to survival. – Line from the 1992 movie The Power of One

The only people who are more disgusting than those who ridicule are the people who enjoy listening to the ridicule. - Zhang Fu Lai

If it were true that no culture is superior to any other as argued by advocates of multiculturalism, no one would immigrate. - Dinesh D'Souza

Wining is like shaving. You have to do it every day, or you look like a bum. - Jack Kemp

Our destinies are determined by a cosmic roll of the dice. - H.L. Dietrich

Americans fear for the safety of their daughters, and after the uncorroborated Kavanagh allegations and smear, they fear for the safety of their sons. - Remark

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Passion is transient, but it keeps me alive. - Zhang Fu Lai

A miracle is human life that survives a liberal’s womb. - Malcolm Ward

Fear is a more dominant force in human behavior than euphoria. - Alan Greenspan

Fools multiply when wise men are silent. - Nelson Mandela

Control your own destiny, or someone else will. - Jack Welsh

"A fight is going on inside me, said an old man to his son. It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is good. he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you."
.....The son thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf will win?"
.....The old man replied simply, "The one you feed."
- A Cherokee Legend

I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. - Carl Sagan

Attention Hindus: One of your core beliefs is that all life is sacred and to be loved and revered, which obligates you to practice ahimsa or non-injury in thought, word, and deed, including non-injury to your fathers and father-in-laws. Another of your core beliefs is in karma, the law of cause and effect, by which each individual creates his or her own outcome or destiny by his or her thoughts, words, and deeds. It follows that acting contrary to the former belief creates bad karma, which contributes to a bad outcome or an adverse destiny for you. Think about it. - Remarks

Life is a tragedy for those who feel but a comedy for those who think. - Horace Walpole

Weddings in general are littered with landmines of gender politics—from the bride wearing virgin white to the taking on of the groom’s name to the asking of permission for the bride’s hand. It's certainly no secret that the tradition of having a father walk his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day and "give" her away is deeply rooted in sexism, basically symbolizing the passing of a woman—the "property" of one man, her father—to the next man, her husband. And if weddings are sexist, the marriages that result may well be sexist as well. The message in all this is stay single and fornicate. - Remarks

There wasn’t a good woman that wasn’t made better by a good man, and vice versa, a good woman would hasten to add. - Remark

It isn’t natural to value wealth and fame more than pussy. And let’s hope it doesn’t become the norm. – Willie Nelson

Virginity is like a balloon. One prick and it's gone.- Remark

The human infestation of planet Earth is headed for extinction because it is destroying both the physical and cultural environments that sustain it. - Zhang Fu Lai

It doesn't do any good to bury your head in the sand because your ass is sticking up in the air. - Remark

If I hadn’t made the mistakes I did in life, I would have made others. No one gets a mistake-free life, and you pay for the mistakes one way or another. - Remark

Life can only be understood backwards. Unfortunately, it must be lived forwards. - Soren Kierkegaard

I can't imagine anything more stressful than monogamy. - Errol Flynn

When a man and woman fall in love and marry, they take a leap of faith that things will turn out right. But why does that sound so much like a suicide pack? - Remark

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

If you spend your whole life being someone else, who’s going to be you? - Remark

Our truest lives are in dreams awake. - Henry David Thoreau

Free your mind, and your ass will follow. - George Clinton

One of the female objections to God’s creation is the male drive above all others to pursue and realize those six seconds of ecstasy. - Remark

Whoever came up with the idea of marriage has a lot to answer for. - Michael Parker

You can never erase the past no matter how much you want to. - Jeremy Irons

The true destiny of humankind is freedom. - Simon Bolivar

A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself within. - Will Durant

When dictatorship is a fact, revolution is a duty. - Amadeu de Prado

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. - Benjamin Franklin

It’s never too late to be the person you thought you could be. - Remark

Liberals value equality more than liberty whereas conservatives value liberty more than equality. - Remark

I prefer fornication to marriage. It cheaper. - Zhang Fu Lai

The left fought for freedom of speech in the 1960s but now fights to deny it to others. - Remark

When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better. - Mae West

Allegation unrebutted becomes truth. - Remark

All boundaries are waiting to be transcended. - Cloud Atlas

Fascists who fancy themselves antifascists believe “some people” are not entitled to peaceful assembly and free speech. And violence toward “those people” is an acceptable form of resistance. - Remark

Millennials believe getting a nipple ring is an accomplishment. - Oliver Brown

Marriage is a dated institution. Men no longer need it to obtain sex, and women no longer need it to obtain financial support. - Remark

Who are we if not our memories? - William Calvin

Three things to remember when you get old: Never pass up a bathroom. Never waste a hard-on. And never trust a fart. - Jack Nicholson in The Bucket List

Many people die with their music still in them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Fairness was created for people who have difficulty competing with others by people who use those people to gain and secure political power. - Zhang Fu Lai

Multiculturalism is a euphemism for immigration without assimilation. Immigration without assimilation is invasion, and it is the responsibility of the federal government to repel invaders. - Delilah Lake

Success comes from the humility to prepare and the confidence to pull it off. - Laurence Olivier

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. - Mae West

People with pretensions of class superiority from countries that still suffer for what was once aptly called the persistence of economic if not cultural backwardness are not despised because they come from one of those countries but because of their pretensions of class superiority. - Zhang Fu Lai

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're misinformed. - Mark Twain

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. - Mae West

When the establishment alienates the people, its days are numbered. - Zhang Fu Lai

When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice. - Donald J. Trump

When the gods want to punish us, they answer our prayers. - Oscar Wilde

Fishing is a jerk at one end of a line waiting for a jerk at the other end. - Mark Twain

Misunderstanding of the present grows fatally from the ignorance of the past. - Marc Bloch

The liberal media, including the New York Times, LA Times, Washington Post, ABC News, CNN News, NBC News, and Politico, has become not only adversarial but also prosecutorial in opposition to the majority of the country’s elected representatives at local, state, and federal levels of government. - Remark

Don’t make fun of me being a writer, and I won’t make fun of you being an asshole. - John Grisham

I agree with not only the grant of abortion rights in cases of undue burden on the mother but believe the grant should be extended to include retroactive abortion rights in cases where a mother suffers undue burden from an unruly teenager. Once we get this undue burden justification established, it can be used to justify all kinds of things. - Zhang Fu Lai

Free trade is like brotherly love. If you're the only one playing the game, you're going to get screwed. - Remark

If red heads consistently come in your store and steal, would you not pay extra attention to red heads? - Zhang Fu Lai

The greatest crimes are to associate another with God, to vex your father and mother, to murder your own species, to commit suicide, and to swear to lie. - The Prophet Muhammad

Human history shows that when a people are alienated, the establishment is living on borrowed time. - Zhang Fu Lai

Immigration without assimilation is invasion. - Bobby Jindal

The political and economic system in the USA is rigged. Citizens unite. You have nothing to lose but your chains. - Donald J. Trump

The love we hold back is the only pain we take with us to our graves. - Zhang Fu Lai

Liberal or progressive values have replaced traditional American values. For example, it used to be that you were entitled because you worked hard and saved. Now you are entitled because you are a human being whether you work hard and save or not. Guess where that leaves the incentive to work hard and save. - Zhang Fu Lai

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. - Stephen Roberts

We are but nature’s pawns in the perpetuation and evolution of the human race, so anyone who does not procreate is superfluous. - Remark

Neither the Bible nor the Torah nor the Koran nor any other "holy book" guarantees Americans freedom of, and by implication freedom from, religion. The Constitution does, so it is that document that governs in cases where Americans believe their religious beliefs justfy their infringement on the right of other Americans to freedom from religion. - Remark

Bill is more excited than Hillary about returning to the White House. He’s already lining up the new crop of White House interns. - Dennis Miller

The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense. - Tom Clancy

Widowed women accentuate the positives and eliminate the negatives about their former spouses while divorced women accentuate the negatives and eliminate the positives. - Zhang Fu Lai

Culture and all it entail—marriage, family, community, politics, art, music, and religion—creates the illusion that human life has purpose other than merely serving as nature’s pawns in the perpetuation of the human race. - Remark

You cannot make a difference unless you’re different. - Justin Timberlake

Politics is corrupting the American judicial system in much the same way the judicial system was corrupted in Nazi Germany. - Ben Carson

The United States is a land of LEGAL immigrants. ILLEGAL immigration is invasion. And the duty of the federal government is to repel invaders. - Zhang Fu Lai

Marital fidelity was created so that guys don't have to raise someone else’s bastards. - Zhang Fu Lai

Routine kills desire. - Zhang Fu Lai

Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your memories of the past and make peace with them. - Iyanla Vanzant.

Life breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places. - Ernest Hemingway

The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed. - Ernest Hemingway

Marriage has become an asymmetric business merger and divorce a symmetric liquidation. - Zhang Fu Lai

What (Stephen) Hawking says in his book The Grand Design is the universe exists because it needed to exist, and because it needed to exist, it therefore created itself. His conclusion merely restates his premise, which means his argument is circular. Nonsense is nonsense, even when spoken by famous scientists. – John Lennox

My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him. - Jack Handey

Give or take a few adjectives, when you listen to widowed women, its sounds as if they were all married to the same saint. Give or take a few adjectives, when you listen to divorced women, its sounds as if they were all married to the same bastard. - Remark

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. - Mae West

I love the editing process of making movies. I just wish that life had one. - Mike Nichols

Criminals thrive on society's understanding. - Newt Gingrich

Prohibition will remain the law in Oklahoma as long as the people can stagger to the polls. - Will Rogers

Feelings are irrelevant if they are illogical or contrary to the facts. - Zhang Fu Lai

With respect to mathematics, I know that two and two are four, but if I could make it five, I would consider it much more interesting. - Lord Byron

God gave each of us guys a penis and a brain but only enough blood to run one of them at a time. - Robin Williams

The awesome power, ingenuity, magnificence, and wonder of God cannot be fully appreciated without knowledge of the awesome power, ingenuity, magnificence, and wonder of the evolutionary process he used, and is still using, to create the universe. - Zhang Fu Lai

The only thing that can ruin a good day is people. - Ernest Hemingway

Politicians are a lot like diapers. They need to be changed frequently and for the same reasons. - Robin Williams

An atheist is someone who is certain that God does not exist, someone who has compelling evidence against the existence of God. I know of no such compelling evidence. Because God can be relegated to remote times and places and to ultimate causes, we would have to know a great deal more about the universe than we do now to be sure that no such God exists. To be certain of the existence of God and to be certain of the nonexistence of God seem to me to be the confident extremes in a subject so riddled with doubt and uncertainty as to inspire very little confidence indeed. - Carl Sagan

Enforcing equality to compensate for the monstrous unfairness of nature destroys liberty. But total liberty leads to various forms of aristocracy and decay. Yet total equality leads to oppressive statism and decay. However, equality of opportunity leads to a vibrantly chaotic and creative meritocracy. - Peter J. Carroll

Asking people what they think about politicians is like asking lampposts what they think about dogs. - Zhang Fu Lai

I can’t imagine anything more stressful than monogamy. - Errol Flynn

You know you’re in love when you wear condoms while having sex with other women. - Owen Wilson

I repent of all my sins, including those I haven't enjoyed yet. - Lord Byron

Children start out loving their parents, but as they grow older and discover their parents are human, they become judgmental. And sometimes, when they mature, they forgive their parents, especially when they discover they are also human. - Oscar Wilde

You who are without sin can throw the first stone. - Jesus of Nazareth

Freedom is not something you ask for. It’s something you take. - Emiliano Zapata

I want a woman who is modern enough to stand on her own and not leach off of me but traditional enough so that she does exactly what I tell her. - Zhang Fu Lai

God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world. - The Movie: The Ghost and the Darkness

I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You’re not scared. You’re just an asshole. - Morgan Freeman

Some things just don’t turn out right. Take Jesus, for example. He was the Son of God, and look how that turned out! - The Movie: About Time

The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends that are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this. These subtilized interpretations are highly manifold according to their nature and have almost nothing to do with the original text. For me the Jewish religion like all other religions is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions. - Albert Einstein

I do not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. - Voltaire

Our lives are only as meaningful as the delusions we create to make them so. - Zhang Fu Lai

People of faith are often defensive because it is argued that science raises serious doubts about their belief in the existence of God. Anyone who understands the scientific method knows these arguments are bogus. Because the existence of God is neither capable of proof nor disproof, it is accepted (theism) or rejected (atheism) on the basis of faith. Science does not, and cannot, address the question because it cannot be resolved scientifically. Science only addresses that which is capable of disproof. And as the eminent scientist Carl Sagan once remarked: 'The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.' - Remark

Constancy in a man is rare. - Catherine Cookson

Only one thing is for certain: Whether by way of science or religion, we don't know shit for sure. - Zhang Fu Lai

Courage is not the absence of fear but the triumph over it. - Nelson Mandela

Class or caste systems eventually devolve into systems that perpetuate an irrelevant past, in which the few control the many and inhibit the economic growth necessary to lift the many out of ignorance and poverty. - Zhang Fu Lai

Our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch. - Mahatma Gandhi

Men’s brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises. - Bette Midler

Cutting people out of my life does not mean I hate or do not love them. It simply means I respect me. - Mibralegare

Don’t waste time on revenge. Those that hurt you will eventually face their own karma. - Mibralegare

When you visit New York City, you'll get along just fine if you put on the local personality, namely naked aggression. - Zhang Fu Lai

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas Edison

It’s not the falling down that counts. It’s the getting up. - Mary Pickford

Get rid of politically correct and bans on racial, ethnic, and gender slurs. Let people speak freely. How else can we tell who the jerks are? - Zhang Fu Lai

The government cannot give to anybody anything that it does not first take from somebody else. - Adrian Rogers

God displayed a sense of humor when he configured the region between our legs an entertainment complex built around a sewage system. - Neil Tyson

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. - Winston Churchill

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. - Winston Churchill

I’m thankful for all those who said, ‘NO’. Because of them, I did it myself. - Albert Einstein

Take the stones people throw at you and use them to build a monument. - Robin Sharma

Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength. - Eric Hoffer

Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. - George Bernard Shaw

The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle. - Dennis Miller

Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people. - Adrian Mitchell

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it. - Doris Day

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. - Saint Augustine

Women fake orgasm for the same reason men fake foreplay. - Trish EmBe

To my way of thinking, at least one person has got to have a pecker when a couple gets together for some serious sex, and two peckers is one too many. - James E. Zahn

A rejection of the Bible, in part or in total, does not imply a rejection of God, only a rejection of a human perception of God. - Remark

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. - Dick Gregory

Because the existence of God is neither capable of proof nor disproof, it is accepted (theism) or rejected (atheism) on the basis of faith. Science does not, and cannot, address the question because it cannot be resolved scientifically. Science only addresses that which is capable of disproof. - Remark

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' - Theodore Roosevelt

An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. - Jef Mallett

Not to be absolutely certain is one of the essential elements of rationality. - Bertrand Russell

No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen and government clerks. - Edward Abbey

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Life, like the economy, is about the efficient allocation of limited resources that have alternative uses. Sperm, which is tiny and plentiful, are virtually unlimited, whereas eggs, which are large and scarce, are exceedingly limited; thus, women far more than men need to be concerned about allocation efficiency. The result is that men compete among themselves for access to women, while women do the selective choosing. Darwin called this sexual selection, and it a powerful force in evolution. - Michael Shermer

Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless three other people were there. - Orson Welles

Monsters and ghosts are real. They live inside us, and sometimes they win. - Stephen King

You’re American not British, so it’s not Mum or Mummy; it’s Mom or Mommy. It’s not A to Zed; it’s A to Zee. It’s not labour; it’s labor. And for God’s sake, it’s not keep your pecker up; it’s keep your chin up. - Zhang Fu Lai

Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love. - Graeme Womack

Belief in God with absolute certainty is neither possible nor necessary. A high degree of certainty is sufficient. - Remark

Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. - Charlotte Whitton

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. - George Burns

Humankind is devolving. It is creating an environment that will not sustain it. Extinction is inevitable. - William R. Hosek

When it comes to politics, I believe you have to cut the cake so that everybody gets a piece, but at the same time, you have to keep in mind that somebody has to make the cake. - Michael Caine

At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from ignorance, malice, and those great motivators and justifiers of ignorance and malice: idealism, dogmatism, and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious and political beliefs. - Aldous Huxley

It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it. - Lena Horne

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

If we recognize that some non-Muslims are Islam-o-phobic, then let’s also recognize that some Muslims are non-Islam-o-phobic. - Zhang Fu Lai

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. - Laurence J. Peter

A delusion is not a belief in the absence of evidence. It is a belief contrary to evidence. And since there is no evidence contrary to the existence of God, belief in Him, Her, or It is not a delusion by definition. - Remark

Hey, don't knock ignorance. It makes possible our delusions. - Zhang Fu Lai

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are I'm from the government, and I'm here to help. - Ronald Reagan

People demand freedom of speech as compensation for freedom of thought, which they seldom use. - Soren Kierkegaard

The male is a domestic animal, which if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper

Religion is like a knife. You can stick someone in the back with it or use it to cut bread. - Bishop Tutu

The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking. - Alan Alexander Milne

Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood. - Louise Beal

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. - John Kenneth Galbraith

The purpose of life is to fight maturity. - Dick Werthimer

Children are God’s way of punishing us for having sex. - Barbara Walters

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P. J. O'Rourke

Don’t speak unless you can improve the silence. - George Will

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high. - Adrienne E. Gusoff

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

A woman who wants to kill her unborn child should be permitted to do so because we do not want women like that reproducing. - Zhang Fu Lai

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. - Carl Sagan

Writers should be able to fully deduct from their taxes all writing-related expenses, including alcohol, parking tickets, court judgments, fines for lewd public behavior, Zoloft, and cigarettes. - Chuck Palahniuk

People who espouse Intelligent Design believe nature is so complex as to require an intelligent designer—God. Similarly, liberals believe the economy is so complex as to require an intelligent designer—government. - Michael Shermer

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

Because God’s existence is either accepted or rejected on the basis of faith, it is neither capable of proof nor disproof, which means theists who argue there is proof and atheists who argue there is disproof are full of shit. - Zhang Fu Lai

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. - Zhang Fu Lai

You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God disapproves of the same people you do. - Anne LaMott

Over time, the faith-based “truths” of religion are displaced by others just as the reason-based “truths” of science are displaced by others. Nothing is known for certain. Doubt is both the religion of science and the science of religion. - Remark

Heredity determines the possible while environment determines the probable. - Zhang Fu Lai

When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Liberal and Conservative are formulas that people plug into in lieu of thinking. - Remark

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. - Andre Gide

The rooster crows, but it is the hen that lays the eggs. - Sharon Zahn Attebery

Meditation is a form of escapism by which an attempt is made to replace the trauma that results from greed, anger, and ignorance with the tranquility that results from generosity, compassion, and wisdom. - Zhang Fu Lai

The most common French expression is 'I give up!' - Zhang Fu Lai

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. - David T. Wolf

'Nature' is a noun, and 'natural' is the corresponding adjective. So if something exists in nature, it is natural by definition regardless of whether it is normal or not. - Remark

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. - George Will

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. - Bill Vaughan

Action in American politics is based on principle unless it fails to achieve an objective. - Remark

I salute the light within your eyes where the whole universe dwells. For when you are at that center within you, and I am at that place within me, we are one. - Chief Crazy Horse, Ogallala Sioux, 1877

Thank God for freedom from religion as well as freedom of it. - Zhang Fu Lai

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson

Do not tell me how educated you are. Tell me how much you have traveled, and I will know how educated you are. - The Prophet Muhammad

Marriage is a man's feeble attempt to ensure that he gets laid every night. - Zhang Fu Lai

I am so old my friends in heaven must think I didn't make it. - Sharon Zahn Attebery

The universe is neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent. - Carl Sagan

The ideas of economists and political philosophers, both when they are right and when they are wrong, are more powerful than is commonly understood. Indeed, the world is ruled by little else. Practical men, who believe themselves to be quite exempt from any intellectual influences, are usually slaves of some defunct economist. - John Maynard Keynes

Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something. - Henry David Thoreau

My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family. - Emo Phillips

You can roll horse manure in powdered sugar, but that don't make it a donut. - Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite, R-Brooksville, Florida

I spent most of my money on hard liquor and women; the rest of it I wasted. - Ernest E. Zahn

Friendship is the unmistakable and irreplaceable presence of another self, and love is friendship on fire. - Zhang Fu Lai

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. - Carl Sagan

Theists who believe there is proof that God exists and atheists who believe there is disproof are delusional because faith-based knowledge, including God's existence, is neither capable of proof nor disproof by definition. - Remark

If there were no God, there would be no atheists. - G. K. Chesterton

A man may have been respected, admired, and loved all his life, but attendance at his funeral will largely depend upon the weather. - Zhang Fu Lai

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Education at a prestigious university, like all formal education, is preparation for achieving something, but neither the education nor the prestige are anything to brag about unless you actually achieve something afterward. - Remark

Money cannot buy happiness; it can, however, rent it. - Gordon Livingston

Mixing feelings with thinking is like mixing horseshit with ice cream.·It won’t hurt the horseshit, but it'll ruin the ice cream. - Zhang Fu Lai

Many people die at twenty-five but aren't buried until they are seventy-five. - Benjamin Franklin

God never closes a door without opening a window so that you will have something to jump out of. - Unknown

Clinging to an economic and related political point of view will make you right when economic conditions warrant and wrong when they don't. - Zhang Fu Lai

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes. - Jack Handey

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.·In fact, just fuck off and leave me alone. - Albert Camus

Belief in God is a delusion only if there is empirical evidence to the contrary. - Zhang Fu Lai

People seek escape in myth by any means at their disposal, including drugs, alcohol, meditation, and lies. - Jean Cocteau

Conservatives want to retain what they have lied, cheated, stolen, and worked hard to get. Liberals want to take it away and either keep it for themselves or give it to the people who keep them in power. - Remark

Yeah, Yeah, I believe you. You're brilliant. But what does that mean in dollars and cents? - Henry W. Zahn

The best minds are not in government. If they were, business would hire them away. - Ronald Reagan

What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires -- desires of which he himself is often unconscious. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and·unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way. - Bertrand Russell

Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the rest. - Winston Churchill

Education is the inculcation of the incomprehensible into the indifferent by the incompetent. - John Maynard Keynes

Inflation is the time when those who have saved for a rainy day get soaked. - Unknown

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. - Mark Twain

When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. - Will Rogers

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew, and for several days, we had to live on nothing but food and water. - W. C. Fields

You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. - Olin Miller

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun. - Al Capone

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The average person thinks he isn’t. - Father Larry Lorenzoni

Writers use lies to tell the truth while politicians use lies to cover it up. - Unknown

Criminals thrive on society's understanding. - Remark

An economist is a scoundrel who tells you the way things are rather than the way you want them to be. - William Nordhaus

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics will be able to join hands and sing in the words of that old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last!" - Martin Luther King

The psychoanalyst Edmund Bergler said that every writer, without exception, is a masochist, a sadist, a peeping Tom, an exhibitionist, a narcissist, and a depressed person constantly haunted by fears of unproductivity.·Thank God.·Now I know why I write. - Zhang Fu Lai

Since faith-based knowledge is neither capable of proof nor disproof, atheism is as faith-based as theism. - Remark

If all men were created equal, I could sing like Placido Domingo, play golf like Tiger Woods, and lie like Bill Clinton. - Zhang Fu Lai

I am an avid fan of the news media because I have an insatiable appetite for fiction. - Remark

If you’re not a liberal in your twenties and thirties, you have no heart, and if you’re not a conservative beyond that, you have no brain. - Zhang Fu Lai's modification of Tom Watson's modification of Winston Churchill

I am not young enough to know everything. - Oscar Wilde

To withhold forgiveness is to take poison and expect the unforgiven to die. - Saint Augustine

Lives of great men all remind us, we can make our lives sublime, and departing, leave behind us, footprints on the sands of time. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I like the movies that were made during World War II when Hollywood was on our side. - Zhang Fu Lai

A woman should know that her relationship with a man is headed downhill when he has a choice between making love and making a sandwich, and he chooses the sandwich. - Remark

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. - Ronald Reagan

If horses had Gods, they would look like horses. - Xenophanes




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